Saturday, February 21, 2009

It's Time

I can't tell you how many times I have wanted to sit down this week to blog. But it was one of those know the kind.....BUSY!!! HA!

I am trying to decide what to blog about! Do I blog about the two crazy days of subbing for a PreK class at my old private school? Do I tell you about what is going on at work and in the children's ministry? Do I tell you about God of the City and what I have learned? Or maybe I should tell you about the progress I have and haven't made in boot (fitness) camp? Or about my two boys starting soccer this weekend? Oh wait!! I could tell you about my ordeal with "accidently" high jacking two trucks and setting off two car alarms after TeamKIDs on Wednesday in the church parking lot!!! HA!

Oh, this list can go on and on....but I choose to spare you some time!

Instead, I am going to blog about FRIENDSHIP! This topic has been coming up ALOT now days. I am wondering if God is trying to draw my attention to it! HUMM! And now with the tools of facebook, some old friendships are starting to resurface again....some good and some bad.

Some history....I had a very best friend here from Gunter. We have known each other, I think, for a lifetime. Our families went to the same church, we attended Gunter schools (Kindergarten-12th grade), we were much like sisters. We spoke very honestly to one another and we always had each others backs. It is interesting because we were total OPPOSITES by every means.

I tend to think that because of our sister like relationship, I was the protective and more experienced or mature one.

But something changed once I left to go off to college. For the first year, not much changed. I was only 1.5hrs from home and came home quite often! But my sophomore year was totally different. We slowly started drifting apart....then by my junior year (once I had moved to an university 3.5hrs away), things took a turn for the worst.

I won't and can't go into details of what was happening in her life then, but my life was turned upside down at this time. I had a boyfriend of 2.5years that had totally betrayed me and lied to me. I admit, this was the worst time in my life!!! But to my suprise, I recieved a letter from my best friend one day. So thankful that she wrote me...knowing that she knew I needed my spirits lifted.

Quite the opposite happened. It was a horrible, horrible hate letter written to me. First of all, she had blamed me for some things that happened back at home (which were totally false). Secondly, she wrote much truths about me too! You know what I am talking about, truths that only a sister like friend can tell you. But by the closing of her letter, she confused how much she hated me and wanted no part to be my friend...... This was an absolute shock and I couldn't see where this all came from.

I know that I was the best of friend I could be to this person.... I had never hurt her! I have never betrayed her.... But she chose to not believe me (which is even harder to believe after all those years). She should have known me better. She was blaming me of things that were totally impossible and unbelievable.

This was the end of our friendship! And has been a huge reason why I choose not to have close friendships today! I want them...but I don't know how to trust a friend. Nor do I want to tell someone everything about me to have them HATE or judge me like this friend did all along. I admit, as I talk with a girlfriend, I can't help but to wonder what they are thinking.... was my friend always feeling this way about me and I never knew it! I don't know!

Now why do I even blog about this is because I am now somewhat speaking to her again....facebook!!! HA! And suddenly I want to bring this up and ask why??? But is it something to rehash! Or do you just move on..... I don't know! I may never know! HUMMM!


Gina Stinson said...

I'm loving your honesty and see my own reflections in much of what you've written about friendship. I'll be praying for you! Can't wait until Wednesday!

Keelie said...

I started to comment, but it was getting so long, I will just do a pot on my blog. ha! But--kudos to you for revisiting the old friendship...

Keelie said...

a POST. I will do a post on my blog. I don't do pot:)